Awoken Lucifer

^ id say just give her the damm award. she deserves it whole hearted.
shes managed to rebuild multiple divisions already....and has had MULTIPLE people who refused to rejoin clan ops and has even yelled at chaos and survived, shes also one of the few people who's put me into time out....and shes probably one of the only people still in KSI that could make Fuzzymeep to join back because of just how epic she is.

Profile: https://www.ksiforums.org/profile/52184-ksi-wldmama7/
Nomination for Multiple Service and recognition awards:
OS lvl 2-3
Reason: Frankly putting it, People don't realize just how much this woman bends over backwards trying to do her damm best to help KSI as a whole....not just her own division and members.....shes gotten several people thru some pretty rough times in their squads and supports people without them needing to ask, practically rebuilt ES from the ground up, has managed to get several people who had retired to be active and social (myself included) and when I say this i damm well mean it...I set my standards a hell of alot higher than most people do when it comes to nominating people for awards. So the fact I am acknowledging if somebody deserves these awards, so without bypassing filters when i say...the fact she hasnt been nominated for them is a God damm crime in itself....so get the posts flowing showing this woman just how many people shes gotten thru and how many times over the respect she deserves

Profile: https://www.ksiforums.org/profile/52184-ksi-wldmama7/
Nomination for Multiple Service and recognition awards:
OS lvl 2-3
Reason: Frankly putting it, People don't realize just how much this woman bends over backwards trying to do her damm best to help KSI as a whole....not just her own division and members.....shes gotten several people thru some pretty rough times in their squads and supports people without them needing to ask, practically rebuilt ES from the ground up, has managed to get several people who had retired to be active and social (myself included) and when I say this i damm well mean it...I set my standards a hell of alot higher than most people do when it comes to nominating people for awards. So the fact I am acknowledging if somebody deserves these awards, so without bypassing filters when i say...the fact she hasnt been nominated for them is a God damm crime in itself....so get the posts flowing showing this woman just how many people shes gotten thru and how many times over the respect she deserves

Profile: https://www.ksiforums.org/profile/52184-ksi-wldmama7/
Nomination for Multiple Service and recognition awards:
OS lvl 2-3
Reason: Frankly putting it, People don't realize just how much this woman bends over backwards trying to do her damm best to help KSI as a whole....not just her own division and members.....shes gotten several people thru some pretty rough times in their squads and supports people without them needing to ask, practically rebuilt ES from the ground up, has managed to get several people who had retired to be active and social (myself included) and when I say this i damm well mean it...I set my standards a hell of alot higher than most people do when it comes to nominating people for awards. So the fact I am acknowledging if somebody deserves these awards, so without bypassing filters when i say...the fact she hasnt been nominated for them is a God damm crime in itself....so get the posts flowing showing this woman just how many people shes gotten thru and how many times over the respect she deserves

Profile: https://www.ksiforums.org/profile/52184-ksi-wldmama7/
Nomination for Multiple Service and recognition awards:
OS lvl 2-3
Reason: Frankly putting it, People don't realize just how much this woman bends over backwards trying to do her damm best to help KSI as a whole....not just her own division and members.....shes gotten several people thru some pretty rough times in their squads and supports people without them needing to ask, practically rebuilt ES from the ground up, has managed to get several people who had retired to be active and social (myself included) and when I say this i damm well mean it...I set my standards a hell of alot higher than most people do when it comes to nominating people for awards. So the fact I am acknowledging if somebody deserves these awards, so without bypassing filters when i say...the fact she hasnt been nominated for them is a God damm crime in itself....so get the posts flowing showing this woman just how many people shes gotten thru and how many times over the respect she deserves

KSI has History, be it with games, new consoles or time with friends and having a laugh or a rage out over cheating campers....but there's always been something people take for granted, The People who make it. The things KSI have given each of the people who make it long enough to learn are pure and simpl. Friends and family.
Im not going to list off rankings that got me and others into dark places and out of those places back into the light is because of one simple thing, THE MEMBERS.

I am not Flawless nor will I ever claim to be, when I joined KSI back in 2010, it was because I was bored and a friend of mine asked me simple question want to come join this and play games with people? I have been a member of KSI nearly 13 years playing with people, seeing people come and go learning and growing or just chilling out with people. People who have known me during that time period have known me mostly as easily angered drunken jackass.
I have been sober for 5 years and counting...not because of therapy or peer pressure But because of the group of Friends I made over the years who have supported me and kicked me in the butt when its been needed told me that they know I can do better and be better even if its just 1 step at a time.
My greatest personal achievement in KSI to this day isnt making A Squad-split or a Division-split or making it to the Board of Directors...it's a far more simple thing...asking for help even when its something as simple as a shoulder to cry on.
KSI isnt made by awards or donations its the Astounding people Inside it....even some of the old age guys like KSI fuzzymeep 7, KSI Chaos 7, KSI Greg 7, KSI QueenJess7, KSI Venum 7, KSI Swag77. Those are to name a few of the friends who have seen me in some of the darkest places.
My choice to want to return to being more active is because I keep seeing people who think its so easy to Run KSI and make thier own clans using things they take from here, along with seeing friends hurting trying to hold everything together and not ask for help, even after 10 years and counting I know that if i need somebody who knows how bad things can be I know who i can turn to for advice or even a kick in the butt when needed......
KSI has its foundations in Supporting and being social with each other....like it or not we're all family maybe not by blood but we are.
When you know somebody in your family is hurting the most important thing is quite simply this, SUPPORT.

Fuzzy:
The mans been there over the years that has seen me at my best and my worst, Fuzzy is one of the people i think of when i say i have grown as a person. when i joined KSI i had alot of issues with anger and drinking and self harm. Trust goes along way...in the last 12 years there havent been many people i can say that i can trust with knowing how to mess with me...you're one of the few people i know who has my trust 100% <3 youre freaking awesome to the point if you can make my arrogant butthead'd self give a damm...then you're far more worthy of respect than i said man...if i had a brother in KSI it would be a tie between you and chaos.

swag: 
you're always going to be somebody that deserves respect both as a friend and somebody who quite bluntly will tell you to your face what your weakest points are and how to grow past them. youre a awesome man which i say from the bottom of my heart....i wish you all the best in life.

venum:
if i didnt trust you i wouldnt have givin you the leadership group for the destiny group........god help me on this one but youre a fantastic person which i mean to the fullest....and you're one of the few people i check on even when im sick.
 
Chaos 7:
he was one of my old generals....and has seen me at my lowest moments in KSI.....the guys awesome i give him alot of crap but the guy has deserved this for along time: thank you and sorry for the amount of headaches i have givin you.
 
 
 
For EVERYONE:
If you find somebody in KSI you trust that have seen you at your highest and your lowest....trust me when i say.
If theres somebody in KSI you trust to the fullest its because they have seen you at your best and worst and they know what its like to be in that dark place when life throws dirt in your face and tries to push you down into that dark place we dont want to be in....then trust me when i say. Everybody in KSI has been in that place where it feels like everythings breaking and wont hold together....but guess what we have survived it not because of just a couple people....we survive as leaders because of the members who we bend over backwards for trying to make them see the potential to surpass all of us old people....and im a pretty sadistic old man at heart....so when i say it.

if you have somebody you trust and know that you can ask them for advice.....dont hide it. the reason you trust them is because they see the thing in yourself that you havent noticed.....they see that you one day will do better than themself.
and as somebody who has their share of issues.......trust me when i say Its hard even after 12 damm years for me to tell these guys how damm much i love and respect them....the first thing i did when i found out about news from my mum when it was relating my grandma's health was to talk to people who my heart said be open with them.....and if somebody had told me 12 years ago id be concerned about other people id have laughed.....the fact im sitting here writing a borderline novel about just how much people can make you want to do better. ...if they can make me grow and be open and to trust people...then yes....they damm well earnt the respect that came with that trust.

Fuzzy:
The mans been there over the years that has seen me at my best and my worst, Fuzzy is one of the people i think of when i say i have grown as a person. when i joined KSI i had alot of issues with anger and drinking and self harm. Trust goes along way...in the last 12 years there havent been many people i can say that i can trust with knowing how to mess with me...you're one of the few people i know who has my trust 100% <3 youre freaking awesome to the point if you can make my arrogant butthead'd self give a damm...then you're far more worthy of respect than i said man...if i had a brother in KSI it would be a tie between you and chaos.

swag: 
you're always going to be somebody that deserves respect both as a friend and somebody who quite bluntly will tell you to your face what your weakest points are and how to grow past them. youre a awesome man which i say from the bottom of my heart....i wish you all the best in life.

venum:
if i didnt trust you i wouldnt have givin you the leadership group for the destiny group........god help me on this one but youre a fantastic person which i mean to the fullest....and you're one of the few people i check on even when im sick.
 
Chaos 7:
he was one of my old generals....and has seen me at my lowest moments in KSI.....the guys awesome i give him alot of crap but the guy has deserved this for along time: thank you and sorry for the amount of headaches i have givin you.
 
 
 
For EVERYONE:
If you find somebody in KSI you trust that have seen you at your highest and your lowest....trust me when i say.
If theres somebody in KSI you trust to the fullest its because they have seen you at your best and worst and they know what its like to be in that dark place when life throws dirt in your face and tries to push you down into that dark place we dont want to be in....then trust me when i say. Everybody in KSI has been in that place where it feels like everythings breaking and wont hold together....but guess what we have survived it not because of just a couple people....we survive as leaders because of the members who we bend over backwards for trying to make them see the potential to surpass all of us old people....and im a pretty sadistic old man at heart....so when i say it.

if you have somebody you trust and know that you can ask them for advice.....dont hide it. the reason you trust them is because they see the thing in yourself that you havent noticed.....they see that you one day will do better than themself.
and as somebody who has their share of issues.......trust me when i say Its hard even after 12 damm years for me to tell these guys how damm much i love and respect them....the first thing i did when i found out about news from my mum when it was relating my grandma's health was to talk to people who my heart said be open with them.....and if somebody had told me 12 years ago id be concerned about other people id have laughed.....the fact im sitting here writing a borderline novel about just how much people can make you want to do better. ...if they can make me grow and be open and to trust people...then yes....they damm well earnt the respect that came with that trust.

KSIxEVILx7
just pointing this out, if you forgot about your past tag, its been written on the side of your user profile for the last 26 posts......

i love all of u
 

I remember him coming up, he was active enough for me to remember him being one of a few people from that time that remained active and were a motivational aspect to those coming up under him. While he could be abit of a joker sometimes he could retain the seriousness when it was called for...and wasnt unfair or too easy going when it came to promotions and training. He is always trying to make improvements to work he does..... (little bit OCD) I am however proud of his time and achievements that he pushed people to aspire to always Do better.

I remember him coming up, he was active enough for me to remember him being one of a few people from that time that remained active and were a motivational aspect to those coming up under him. While he could be abit of a joker sometimes he could retain the seriousness when it was called for...and wasnt unfair or too easy going when it came to promotions and training. He is always trying to make improvements to work he does..... (little bit OCD) I am however proud of his time and achievements that he pushed people to aspire to always Do better.

<_<....just give it to him.....He deserves it....he works his Rear end off. I can safely say that because he derserves it and God knows I wouldnt post it it wasnt true
(PS.....Former Head of this department)

<_<....just give it to him.....He deserves it....he works his Rear end off. I can safely say that because he derserves it and God knows I wouldnt post it it wasnt true
(PS.....Former Head of this department)

lol depends how much milk lol

:D BEING FREE TO LICK WINDOWS.....and Testing the ingegrity of spell check?

Anyone once deemed a security risk or having affiliations with questionable gaming communities must apply on the forums with their full and honest KSI history.
 
 
 
If you have been previously DNH'd or blacklisted please refer to the courts 
 
 
 
Any applicant with a history of association and/or membership with or in blacklisted, security risked, or on notice communities is subject to review by senior leadership and join area moderators and may be denied entry based on those associations at any time to maintain the security and safety of KSI and it’s members.
 
 
 
 
 
ANY member who leaves KSI has a 48 hour time limit to rejoin the divison and possibly return as your previous rank per divisonal leadership. 
 
 
 
If unable to rejoin the divison for any circumstances submit a rejoin app to go to another divison. 
 
 
 
Those returning members who leave KSI For personal and-/-or excusable reasons may come back as a Sergeant *SGT* pending name change.
 
 
 
Those members who have a questionable past are subject to review by Senior Staff to determine admittance. 

if you have quastions.
put them here.

Please dont put them directly into Topics
(eg, of the month, of the years)

___________________________________________
From Chaos:
Are we not putting down reasons for these because for the of the year awards alot are going to qualify for muliple ones based on what they did through out the year so seeing why someone nominates some one for X rank even though they may be a different rank now could be relevant. Just asking because usually we want reasons for of the months.
___________________________________________

Answer: I personaly dont care if people put reasons. Reasons are good and all i just didnt feel like trying to remember half the crap people have done..lol and in some peoples cases points at Chaos. have done WAY to many things to remember half.

Well no idea Where the hell im gonna post this so im sticking it where ever.......
 
Okay So in one of my rare self reflection moments and open moods Im Deciding to share somethings about Myself and my life that I ordinarily Keep Closed and undiscussed because I don't enjoy people knowing much about my life outside of KSI im choosing to Do this with the hope it answers somethings about me and why i do what i do.
My parents are divorced and have been since somewhere in the early 90's (its long enough i honestly don't remember the dates) but it would have been around then because as a child I remember being told i made a classic question relating to "home alone" because i looked ALOT like the kid when i was younger.#
My father Had been holding in his anger for along time and would have blow outs the same way people who know me know i will sometimes explode with Rage.
He re-married a wonderful lady who has been a better mother than my own in terms of the emotional and affectionate level and support. Which frankly the womans a saint for being able to handle me and my father lol.
Now as much as i Love my mother....she Suffered quite badly from depression and extreme shifts in mood and personality before and after the divorce, she has over the years gotten help and is more happy with herself in life as shes aged...and growing up in a household where you never know if your mum is going to be happy and awake or sedated and a home help aid who was paid for by the doctors to effectivly make sure myself and my two sisters were clothed and fed......IS NOT easy and is one of the reasons I dont open myself to people much.
After the divorce my mother became an english teacher and moved me and my sisters half way up the country..then made the fun mistake of being a disaplinary nutjob to place her own kids in the same school she taught in...so needless to say anybody she disaplined would find me at lunch or after school and beat my ass up for it....yay mum of the year. Then we moved house again down near to the bottom of the country again...each time moving us further away from my father to make it harder for him to spend time with us. She later re married a man who was Born in palestine in the middle east...and hes a decent man who has been a positive influence on my mother and myself.
After i finished my School education i found work in retail.....i moved in with a self absorbed asswipe from work who was using drugs and had a drinking problem and also was the reason i got into alot of trouble at work when I raised that he had been stealing money, sleeping in the office and had also brought drugs to work before. (the store chose to punish me for "investigating" money losses without management approval despite having proof on the camera's Clearly showing all the things he was doing).
Now this is where My Health and Stress and anger management and Caffine addiction issues Kicked into high gear. I was working 60 hour weeks. Sleeping maybe 4-5 hours a day max and thats assuming i even bothered to sleep. I had some pretty epic Bouts of depression and Self harm and alot of Physical damage from my job that was escalating and causing more problems than anybody in my family was aware of. 
 My older Sister around this time had already had 2 children (their dads were morons...lol) and my Eldest sister who..well Quite frankly sums up the C word perfectly after she had gone to a university in whales england.
The eldest Sister Chose to cheat on her long term Boyfriend who spent probably 2/3rds of his paychecks on her and bent over backwards to visit her every single weekend. now the best way i can describe the guy she cheated on with while at university in whales is this simple scale: She went from being with "henry Cavill" to "jason voorhees" unmasked....(thats the most accurate thing i can word this for to show the downgrade in quality lol...incidentally the guy she cheated with just HAPPENS to come from a family who just by PURE coincidence come from money....hmmm funny that)
Now Skipping ahead.....Eldest sister got Pregnant by the moron....she married him. I didn't Go to the wedding because i was working. Nor did i see my new nephew for 9 months due to work or simply being to broke to travel across the river by ferry and to then get bus tickets up to theirs. Who also btw never bothered to come near my workplace either so meh. 
Nearly 9 full years ago I had a Dispute going on in my family that had been going on for about 5 years at the time leading back to roughly 2005-2007 between my two sisters, which i was trying to work out what was going on while i was visiting Family in the USA after I had had a FULL breakdown and nearly overdosed on pain killers.
My Eldest sister Opted at this time to Tell me I was being disowned by her that I officially didn't Exist in HER childs life since I had nothing to offer her or her childs existence and that I couldn't even Do a overdose correctly and screwed that up, that her having a "degree" in Psychology, a husband, a son and a car made her a better person. that everybody in the family thought I was a useless waste of time who would probably end up in jail.
This led to me learning to Hold nearly Everything inside and not being open with anybody about how i felt or how my life was going and Honestly cause me alot of harm with work, love and life from not being able to be open with people.
What Got me thru this was a group of people i had never met once in person at all a group called KSI. When i was recruited the time difference made it hard yes..but The people i had around me pushed me to be better over time. While I am Open about why i Chose the name Luci (LuciferLux) because of the wrath and rage and the desire to punish people who wrong me or those i care about..Chaos, Queenjess, Rags, Fuzzymeep, Riiot and Greg are just a couple names...who began fixing me.
I Moved up in ranks inside Last Strike: LS and Left that division thru my own screw ups and issues. I got into Trouble for Stupid things that i could have avoided.
After one Particularly bad Incident I was removed from clan ops....which Led to me Creating a division named after myself. LightBringer: LB which to date was possibly one of the best and worst ideas i ever put forward. The idea of LB was to contain people removed from divisions or coming back in from making issues and remold them into better members by correcting them....basicly it was the Prison division and surved that purpose under me.
I moved up to being a director after a while and had LB LS and i think DM. I left that role also due to my own inate issues.
(Laffy then Screwed the pooch on LB moaning about being called the prison division and got it renamed to WI "Wicked Intent" <<<like that sounds less bad lolololol. )
People who took me from being Lucifer to Luci and brought just a little light into my view of people and the world.
===================================
Now go forward 9 years.
Now im 32 years old...my only drug addiction is smoking.
I no longer self harm.
I no longer Drink.
I have no suicidal thoughts.
I am Now a house owner with extended family in the USA.
I have NO children that i have been made aware of.
I made it all the way to the BOD and became the User support Admin and am a former head of the AAP.
I have recently started working in retail again and already making progress for potential promotion to a department Head in the store in less than a month of being there because of the amount of work i try to clear and how many positive comments i have had made by customers about how helpful i am to my bosses. 
I Talk to both of my parents when i can and have plans for them to visit my new house when able to (separate for obvious reasons lololol)
I have 1 sister i talk to when i can check in with her. (shes working on her 4th kid now)
I have 1 Genetic Relation with 3 offspring whom despite living in the USA has to date not bothered to try to make amends or even try to make contact in the 3 years i have been here. (but i have since realised that I dont need a sister who Would rather manipulate people around her to feel superior and to marry somebody for money)
I still Hold in alot of my issues with people and life but i now have people i can open up to and talk to when i need to seek advice and help.
==
==
So the moral of this post...I am a broken individual, yet KSI has been putting me back together for 9 years and has done more for me Than I can ever hope to admit or repay....and is STILL helping me and other people who have problems that hold them down.
sincerly: KSI LuciferLux7 -/- KSI Luci Lux 7

Well no idea Where the hell im gonna post this so im sticking it where ever.......
 
Okay So in one of my rare self reflection moments and open moods Im Deciding to share somethings about Myself and my life that I ordinarily Keep Closed and undiscussed because I don't enjoy people knowing much about my life outside of KSI im choosing to Do this with the hope it answers somethings about me and why i do what i do.
My parents are divorced and have been since somewhere in the early 90's (its long enough i honestly don't remember the dates) but it would have been around then because as a child I remember being told i made a classic question relating to "home alone" because i looked ALOT like the kid when i was younger.#
My father Had been holding in his anger for along time and would have blow outs the same way people who know me know i will sometimes explode with Rage.
He re-married a wonderful lady who has been a better mother than my own in terms of the emotional and affectionate level and support. Which frankly the womans a saint for being able to handle me and my father lol.
Now as much as i Love my mother....she Suffered quite badly from depression and extreme shifts in mood and personality before and after the divorce, she has over the years gotten help and is more happy with herself in life as shes aged...and growing up in a household where you never know if your mum is going to be happy and awake or sedated and a home help aid who was paid for by the doctors to effectivly make sure myself and my two sisters were clothed and fed......IS NOT easy and is one of the reasons I dont open myself to people much.
After the divorce my mother became an english teacher and moved me and my sisters half way up the country..then made the fun mistake of being a disaplinary nutjob to place her own kids in the same school she taught in...so needless to say anybody she disaplined would find me at lunch or after school and beat my ass up for it....yay mum of the year. Then we moved house again down near to the bottom of the country again...each time moving us further away from my father to make it harder for him to spend time with us. She later re married a man who was Born in palestine in the middle east...and hes a decent man who has been a positive influence on my mother and myself.
After i finished my School education i found work in retail.....i moved in with a self absorbed asswipe from work who was using drugs and had a drinking problem and also was the reason i got into alot of trouble at work when I raised that he had been stealing money, sleeping in the office and had also brought drugs to work before. (the store chose to punish me for "investigating" money losses without management approval despite having proof on the camera's Clearly showing all the things he was doing).
Now this is where My Health and Stress and anger management and Caffine addiction issues Kicked into high gear. I was working 60 hour weeks. Sleeping maybe 4-5 hours a day max and thats assuming i even bothered to sleep. I had some pretty epic Bouts of depression and Self harm and alot of Physical damage from my job that was escalating and causing more problems than anybody in my family was aware of. 
 My older Sister around this time had already had 2 children (their dads were morons...lol) and my Eldest sister who..well Quite frankly sums up the C word perfectly after she had gone to a university in whales england.
The eldest Sister Chose to cheat on her long term Boyfriend who spent probably 2/3rds of his paychecks on her and bent over backwards to visit her every single weekend. now the best way i can describe the guy she cheated on with while at university in whales is this simple scale: She went from being with "henry Cavill" to "jason voorhees" unmasked....(thats the most accurate thing i can word this for to show the downgrade in quality lol...incidentally the guy she cheated with just HAPPENS to come from a family who just by PURE coincidence come from money....hmmm funny that)
Now Skipping ahead.....Eldest sister got Pregnant by the moron....she married him. I didn't Go to the wedding because i was working. Nor did i see my new nephew for 9 months due to work or simply being to broke to travel across the river by ferry and to then get bus tickets up to theirs. Who also btw never bothered to come near my workplace either so meh. 
Nearly 9 full years ago I had a Dispute going on in my family that had been going on for about 5 years at the time leading back to roughly 2005-2007 between my two sisters, which i was trying to work out what was going on while i was visiting Family in the USA after I had had a FULL breakdown and nearly overdosed on pain killers.
My Eldest sister Opted at this time to Tell me I was being disowned by her that I officially didn't Exist in HER childs life since I had nothing to offer her or her childs existence and that I couldn't even Do a overdose correctly and screwed that up, that her having a "degree" in Psychology, a husband, a son and a car made her a better person. that everybody in the family thought I was a useless waste of time who would probably end up in jail.
This led to me learning to Hold nearly Everything inside and not being open with anybody about how i felt or how my life was going and Honestly cause me alot of harm with work, love and life from not being able to be open with people.
What Got me thru this was a group of people i had never met once in person at all a group called KSI. When i was recruited the time difference made it hard yes..but The people i had around me pushed me to be better over time. While I am Open about why i Chose the name Luci (LuciferLux) because of the wrath and rage and the desire to punish people who wrong me or those i care about..Chaos, Queenjess, Rags, Fuzzymeep, Riiot and Greg are just a couple names...who began fixing me.
I Moved up in ranks inside Last Strike: LS and Left that division thru my own screw ups and issues. I got into Trouble for Stupid things that i could have avoided.
After one Particularly bad Incident I was removed from clan ops....which Led to me Creating a division named after myself. LightBringer: LB which to date was possibly one of the best and worst ideas i ever put forward. The idea of LB was to contain people removed from divisions or coming back in from making issues and remold them into better members by correcting them....basicly it was the Prison division and surved that purpose under me.
I moved up to being a director after a while and had LB LS and i think DM. I left that role also due to my own inate issues.
(Laffy then Screwed the pooch on LB moaning about being called the prison division and got it renamed to WI "Wicked Intent" <<<like that sounds less bad lolololol. )
People who took me from being Lucifer to Luci and brought just a little light into my view of people and the world.
===================================
Now go forward 9 years.
Now im 32 years old...my only drug addiction is smoking.
I no longer self harm.
I no longer Drink.
I have no suicidal thoughts.
I am Now a house owner with extended family in the USA.
I have NO children that i have been made aware of.
I made it all the way to the BOD and became the User support Admin and am a former head of the AAP.
I have recently started working in retail again and already making progress for potential promotion to a department Head in the store in less than a month of being there because of the amount of work i try to clear and how many positive comments i have had made by customers about how helpful i am to my bosses. 
I Talk to both of my parents when i can and have plans for them to visit my new house when able to (separate for obvious reasons lololol)
I have 1 sister i talk to when i can check in with her. (shes working on her 4th kid now)
I have 1 Genetic Relation with 3 offspring whom despite living in the USA has to date not bothered to try to make amends or even try to make contact in the 3 years i have been here. (but i have since realised that I dont need a sister who Would rather manipulate people around her to feel superior and to marry somebody for money)
I still Hold in alot of my issues with people and life but i now have people i can open up to and talk to when i need to seek advice and help.
==
==
So the moral of this post...I am a broken individual, yet KSI has been putting me back together for 9 years and has done more for me Than I can ever hope to admit or repay....and is STILL helping me and other people who have problems that hold them down.
sincerly: KSI LuciferLux7 -/- KSI Luci Lux 7

https://www.ksiforums.org/profile/32747-ksi-mr-wabbit-7/
https://www.ksiforums.org/profile/28409-snipedatwabbit/

Well no idea Where the hell im gonna post this so im sticking it where ever.......
 
Okay So in one of my rare self reflection moments and open moods Im Deciding to share somethings about Myself and my life that I ordinarily Keep Closed and undiscussed because I don't enjoy people knowing much about my life outside of KSI im choosing to Do this with the hope it answers somethings about me and why i do what i do.
My parents are divorced and have been since somewhere in the early 90's (its long enough i honestly don't remember the dates) but it would have been around then because as a child I remember being told i made a classic question relating to "home alone" because i looked ALOT like the kid when i was younger.#
My father Had been holding in his anger for along time and would have blow outs the same way people who know me know i will sometimes explode with Rage.
He re-married a wonderful lady who has been a better mother than my own in terms of the emotional and affectionate level and support. Which frankly the womans a saint for being able to handle me and my father lol.
Now as much as i Love my mother....she Suffered quite badly from depression and extreme shifts in mood and personality before and after the divorce, she has over the years gotten help and is more happy with herself in life as shes aged...and growing up in a household where you never know if your mum is going to be happy and awake or sedated and a home help aid who was paid for by the doctors to effectivly make sure myself and my two sisters were clothed and fed......IS NOT easy and is one of the reasons I dont open myself to people much.
After the divorce my mother became an english teacher and moved me and my sisters half way up the country..then made the fun mistake of being a disaplinary nutjob to place her own kids in the same school she taught in...so needless to say anybody she disaplined would find me at lunch or after school and beat my ass up for it....yay mum of the year. Then we moved house again down near to the bottom of the country again...each time moving us further away from my father to make it harder for him to spend time with us. She later re married a man who was Born in palestine in the middle east...and hes a decent man who has been a positive influence on my mother and myself.
After i finished my School education i found work in retail.....i moved in with a self absorbed asswipe from work who was using drugs and had a drinking problem and also was the reason i got into alot of trouble at work when I raised that he had been stealing money, sleeping in the office and had also brought drugs to work before. (the store chose to punish me for "investigating" money losses without management approval despite having proof on the camera's Clearly showing all the things he was doing).
Now this is where My Health and Stress and anger management and Caffine addiction issues Kicked into high gear. I was working 60 hour weeks. Sleeping maybe 4-5 hours a day max and thats assuming i even bothered to sleep. I had some pretty epic Bouts of depression and Self harm and alot of Physical damage from my job that was escalating and causing more problems than anybody in my family was aware of. 
 My older Sister around this time had already had 2 children (their dads were morons...lol) and my Eldest sister who..well Quite frankly sums up the C word perfectly after she had gone to a university in whales england.
The eldest Sister Chose to cheat on her long term Boyfriend who spent probably 2/3rds of his paychecks on her and bent over backwards to visit her every single weekend. now the best way i can describe the guy she cheated on with while at university in whales is this simple scale: She went from being with "henry Cavill" to "jason voorhees" unmasked....(thats the most accurate thing i can word this for to show the downgrade in quality lol...incidentally the guy she cheated with just HAPPENS to come from a family who just by PURE coincidence come from money....hmmm funny that)
Now Skipping ahead.....Eldest sister got Pregnant by the moron....she married him. I didn't Go to the wedding because i was working. Nor did i see my new nephew for 9 months due to work or simply being to broke to travel across the river by ferry and to then get bus tickets up to theirs. Who also btw never bothered to come near my workplace either so meh. 
Nearly 9 full years ago I had a Dispute going on in my family that had been going on for about 5 years at the time leading back to roughly 2005-2007 between my two sisters, which i was trying to work out what was going on while i was visiting Family in the USA after I had had a FULL breakdown and nearly overdosed on pain killers.
My Eldest sister Opted at this time to Tell me I was being disowned by her that I officially didn't Exist in HER childs life since I had nothing to offer her or her childs existence and that I couldn't even Do a overdose correctly and screwed that up, that her having a "degree" in Psychology, a husband, a son and a car made her a better person. that everybody in the family thought I was a useless waste of time who would probably end up in jail.
This led to me learning to Hold nearly Everything inside and not being open with anybody about how i felt or how my life was going and Honestly cause me alot of harm with work, love and life from not being able to be open with people.
What Got me thru this was a group of people i had never met once in person at all a group called KSI. When i was recruited the time difference made it hard yes..but The people i had around me pushed me to be better over time. While I am Open about why i Chose the name Luci (LuciferLux) because of the wrath and rage and the desire to punish people who wrong me or those i care about..Chaos, Queenjess, Rags, Fuzzymeep, Riiot and Greg are just a couple names...who began fixing me.
I Moved up in ranks inside Last Strike: LS and Left that division thru my own screw ups and issues. I got into Trouble for Stupid things that i could have avoided.
After one Particularly bad Incident I was removed from clan ops....which Led to me Creating a division named after myself. LightBringer: LB which to date was possibly one of the best and worst ideas i ever put forward. The idea of LB was to contain people removed from divisions or coming back in from making issues and remold them into better members by correcting them....basicly it was the Prison division and surved that purpose under me.
I moved up to being a director after a while and had LB LS and i think DM. I left that role also due to my own inate issues.
(Laffy then Screwed the pooch on LB moaning about being called the prison division and got it renamed to WI "Wicked Intent" <<<like that sounds less bad lolololol. )
People who took me from being Lucifer to Luci and brought just a little light into my view of people and the world.
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Now go forward 9 years.
Now im 32 years old...my only drug addiction is smoking.
I no longer self harm.
I no longer Drink.
I have no suicidal thoughts.
I am Now a house owner with extended family in the USA.
I have NO children that i have been made aware of.
I made it all the way to the BOD and became the User support Admin and am a former head of the AAP.
I have recently started working in retail again and already making progress for potential promotion to a department Head in the store in less than a month of being there because of the amount of work i try to clear and how many positive comments i have had made by customers about how helpful i am to my bosses. 
I Talk to both of my parents when i can and have plans for them to visit my new house when able to (separate for obvious reasons lololol)
I have 1 sister i talk to when i can check in with her. (shes working on her 4th kid now)
I have 1 Genetic Relation with 3 offspring whom despite living in the USA has to date not bothered to try to make amends or even try to make contact in the 3 years i have been here. (but i have since realised that I dont need a sister who Would rather manipulate people around her to feel superior and to marry somebody for money)
I still Hold in alot of my issues with people and life but i now have people i can open up to and talk to when i need to seek advice and help.
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So the moral of this post...I am a broken individual, yet KSI has been putting me back together for 9 years and has done more for me Than I can ever hope to admit or repay....and is STILL helping me and other people who have problems that hold them down.
sincerly: KSI LuciferLux7 -/- KSI Luci Lux 7

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Banned July 26th 2019 bypassing original forums ban: https://www.ksiforums.org/profile/48520-missspid3r/
Banned January 27th 2019: https://www.ksiforums.org/profile/47843-claiirebear/
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Awe Cheshire you are doing great and I see you going far in opening up to the right kind of people your you and that is why we love you.