I watched the fire burn from your eyes.
As you blinked, the embers fell from the sky.
The seas had turned black as coal.
The earth turned to winter leaving it cold.
I would offer my coat, but warmth won’t suffice.
Your heart demanded a guiltless sacrifice.
Who knew you wanted to turn the world in your hands.
I became callous to your cutting reprimands.
And I know you see the world as black or white.
You couldn’t turn away from the aimless fights.
You couldn’t open up to the gray’s in-between.
Instead, you harbored yourself, too afraid to be seen.
But, I saw you for who you really are.
And in your wake, you left nothing but burning scars.
I truthfully feel sorry for what it to come.
When you finally realize who you’ve become.
I curbed my pain when I though you could change.
But, I only became a barren vessel inside a wire cage.
And I’m trapped inside myself too afraid to love.
Because this hatred fits like two warm gloves.
Because of you, I’m afraid to love myself.
You taught me that no one is better than you.
You pinpointed my flaws, one to the few.
Because of you, I don’t know who I am.
My heart is crushed into these tiny million pieces.
My life keeps folding into huge creases.
I try to fight my way out of this sea of guilt.
So, I hang on to every word to the hilt.
But I’m scared of who I am to be.
Will I be capable of living my life free?
I fear my future into this cast universe.
That leaves me wishing I could live in reverse.
I would change certain things about it all.
I would tell you “I love you” if that meant you didn’t fall.
I know the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
And I wish there were more things that I could see.
Like you, I see the world in black and white.
Yet, I don’t know how much I have left in me to fight.
With love comes hatred and hatred comes love.
I don’t want these two warm gloves.
What I want is for you to step up.
And be the man I always thought of.
Yet, you sit there in all your glory.
As I’m sitting here writing this story.
I’m stuck on these pages with so much to say.
If only you would listen, what would it pay?
Time after time as the world keeps spinning.
You keep thinking you’re ultimately winning.
But what is there left to be won?
If you think it’s pride, then you’ll be disappointed.
I hope, deep in my heart, that’s not all you wanted.
Because of you, a family has been broken.
All that I was left with was this shiny token.
To remind me of what could have been.
It’s not about who or why or how but when.
All that’s left are darkened clouds rolling in.
It’s like waiting for the rain to start.
Instead of waiting for the storm to part.
I think so negatively about what this could mean.
Because of you, I just can’t see.
So, thank you dad, for your gift of “love”.
But, I just can’t keep these two warm gloves.